Exploring the Universe

December 2025
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Why are we here?

July 2, 2025

The world is confusing right now. (And maybe it always has been). So much turmoil and joy, pain and pleasure, outrage and wonder exist at the same time. This feels true at nearly every scale, from the personal to the global.

And one’s late thirties can be… weird. I’ve done well enough in my career, but am still searching for my place and purpose in the world. Maybe I thought I had found it, but as life changes, I may have come to realize that this can be a shifting milestone. I am incredibly fortunate to be a mother to a precious and hilarious 4 year old, but I am divorced and in a way, in a process of resetting my life. Where should I live? What kind of relationships should I be pursuing and prioritizing? How can I reclaim many of the things that I’ve neglected in the recent past and put my energies towards helping others and living a purposeful life?

Things seem to move fast during different eras of life, as they have for me during the last 10 years. In that period, I’ve owned and sold a house; gotten married and divorced; built, lost, and rekindled relationships; experienced the deaths of both parents, all four grandparents, and a beloved dog; earned a Masters degree and pursued a PhD; birthed a child and become a single parent; and moved more than 10 times in 6 vastly different states. All of these internal and individual changes have taken place during the wildly chaotic periods of smartphones becoming addictive staples in all of our pockets, COVID-19 changing the way we live, work, and interact, and racial awakenings and their subsequent white supremacist backlash turning family and friends into people who we no longer feel are compatible with our values. Eek, it’s been a lot.

Just writing this out makes me realize how desperately I have needed to process. Things have moved so fast… and maybe they’ve moved fast because I have not taken the time to process many of these changes. It had occurred to me in the last year, while I was in the middle of my divorce, and settled into a cozy, yet tiny apartment with my daughter, that I was finally allowing myself to just sit still. When the grief, shock, and emotions tempered, then the dust began to settle. But the second part of this realization was that I may not even know what “the dust settled” looks like. I began to understand that feeling calm, quiet, and present may be an unfamiliar feeling to me.

So here we are – as a reader, you get to participate in my own journey of processing. I’m not sure what will result in the end, but I know we may visit many areas of my life. Parenting? Divorce? Travel? My neglected academic work and current professional work (understanding ongoing impacts of settler colonialism?) Indigenous leadership in conservation and wildlife? Just how fucking cool plants and animals are? Human relationships with nature? Minimalist lifestyles and my current obsession with wool clothing? Relationships? Cooking? Tasty things to eat around Denver? Farming tiny microscopic creatures to transform food into tastier food (fermentation… for the non-nerds out there)?

I’ll cut myself short on the rambling, and just start building. Thanks for being here; thanks for being part of this; and I’m looking forward to start connecting!

Try this one next: https://exploringtheuniverse.blog/2025/07/05/my-processing-process-why-am-i-revisiting-past-writings/
The Beach! Adventure in Pondicherry, India

July 21, 2007

We’ve been making some new friends here from India. We’re beginning to have visitors to our house, which is fun. This morning, I woke up and everyone in the house had gone into town. I decided to go for a walk to the beach. I got there, and there were tons of boys playing cricket. (Actually, they were about my age.) I walked past, but they sort of started asking me weird questions, like, “Where are your friends?” and following me, so I went back home as fast as I could. They seemed pretty harmless, but you never know I suppose. Walking alone was a much different experience than going with a group or at least another person even. It’s something I probably won’t be doing so often…

I did notice some sadder things on that walk though, like a woman scooping water, probably for drinking or at least cooking, into a jug from a dirty puddle on the side of the road. But I suppose those are the things people tell you about in India… there is every type of person here; the richest and the poorest.

Later on, I came back home, and since everyone had returned, we decided to go to the beach in the afternoon. We went at four, and it was wonderful. The currents were extremely strong, but we stayed very close to shore. Celia, Frederic, both Jacobs, and two of our Indian friends and I went. It seems like not many people swim here, and it is definitely uncommon to wear a bathing suit or swim in anything less than saree, so we attracted quite a crowd. It got a little uncomfortable with a ton of men standing around with cameras watching us swim, but hey, we’re doing something weird in their country, and I suppose that we take pictures and stare in the US if someone does something crazy in front of us. Even with the onlookers, the beach was great, and we have plans to go back a lot now, especially since it is so close to our hostel. Tonight, we plan to go into Pondy for dinner… the boys met some British traveller who invited us out to eat. Then later at the hostel, maybe some celebrations- we have two birthdays coming up in the house. 🙂
Power-Cut: Semester in Pondicherry, India

July 20, 2007

It’s another early morning for me again… my roomie sets an early alarm for 5:30 just to begin waking up, and I just hear it and think it is later, not being able to see the actual clock. I have to work on that clock issue; I either get up too early and am exhausted during the day, or wake up late and have to run out of the house to classes.

Last night I went into the city again, and did a little shopping. (Ooops!) I got two more outfits- one saree and one salwaar chamees. I feel guilty until I remember that they were both about $12. 🙂 Plus, they’re really beautiful, and very practical in this heat! I also bought some string in town to make a clothesline, since we have no dryer. Before that, I just laid my clothes on the roof to dry, but last night, while they were up there, the wind started and it began pouring, and we ran upstairs to grab them all before they blew away. This leads me to the “power-cut”… apparently as soon as it starts raining here, (which is about to be every day, with the monsoon coming), the power has difficulty staying on. It went out last night at about 11:30pm. We sat around with some candles and then went outside on the porch for awhile, since it was much cooler than inside, where the air and fans had turned off. We began to hear these loud whistles every so often, and then saw some guys riding around on bikes. It turns out that the university guards go out patrolling. I’m guessing it’s a “just-cause-the-power’s-out-doesn’t-mean-there-is-going-to-be-chaos” type of thing. We have a little square in front of our house, and one guard kept circling right around it, which was highly amusing for all of us sitting there. I do admit, though, I did feel safe! We asked if everything was all right, and all he kept saying was “power-cut”. The power came back on sometime a few hours later (I think). Anyway, I wish I got a little more sleep last night, but the “power-cut” was an adventure.
Pictures… and my stomach hurts: Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 19, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

About the stomach hurting, I’m really not feeling well, but hopefully it will pass in a day or so. I’m guessing it’s just some adjustment to the heat and food. They say you can’t go to India without getting sick the first time. I guess that’s how travelers pay the toll for seeing all those incredible things!

Anyway – scroll through below for a bunch of not-great photos of my first few days in India!
The Past Two Days: Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 18, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

It’s Wednesday at 5am. The thing about having no clock or watch or cell phone, is that I never know what time to wake up. Plus, there are many lights on campus so it stays well-lit, and one is right outside my window, so I always think it is morning before it really is. So this morning at 4:00 I woke up, thinking it was light out, or at least about to get light out, and went for a run. When I got outside, it was completely dark, with no hint of dawn any time soon. I went anyway, though, since getting back into bed and disturbing my roomie would cause too much noise. The run was actually really nice. The campus was dead quiet. (Even the guards were asleep!) I was a bit scared until I heard footsteps behind me and realized that one of the stray dogs that hangs around us came along for the ride. She kept me company the whole way and made it a lot less scary. (Nighttime can be scary in India). It was good to go at night, too, because 4am is hot in India, but the rest of the day is sweltering…

So, in the past two days, I went to the city at night both days, went to the beach, walked around town, gotten a salwaar chamees (pants-and-tunic-y outfit) and had my sari top tailored, registered, started classes, ridden the bus again, etc. The classes I picked are Ecotourism, Management of Ecosystems, Statistical Ecology and Computation, Environmental Monitoring, and Spoken Tamil. I went to two of them yesterday, and they were a bit rocky for me, considering the professor’s were difficult for me to understand and the style is so different. I think it will just take some getting used to though.

So when we walked to the beach yesterday, we went right when the town children get out of school. This was so fun because they all are obsessed with getting their picture taken and then seeing it on the camera, so we spent lots of time making some little friends and taking pics. Then at night we went to the city. It is an excellent place to be at night. It was even busier than the day, surprisingly, and the streets are crazy and every single shop is open. Vendors are out and you can see every sort of person to be found. On the way home last night we got on a bus that had a women-only section in the back, and it was so much nicer than being squished all together with all the men. I mean, we were still incredible squished, (think Tarzan tactics to hang from the overhead railings), but all the women were so nice and friendly and much more talkative than when mixed with the men. An old lady said something to me in Tamil which I can guess, from her expression and the laughter of the others, was along the lines of, “Put your hair back, it looks ridiculous!” (Everyone wears a bun or braid there… it is way too hot to keep long hair down. I’m learning though…) There seems to be a certain social etiquette on the bus. Everyone who manages to get a seat will gladly hold the things you carry on their lap, whether its a shopping bag, watermelon, or baby. (I haven’t seen this but I’m assuming it happens). You need both arms to hang on in some way if you’re standing. If a seat opens up, you can hop in it when its free, or someone else will direct you into it. You can touch just about anyone, just about anywhere, if it means keeping your balance a little better. The bus really is nuts, but it’s very fun, and a good arm workout, and it’s only 3 rupees (about $.07), whereas an autorickshaw is about Rs. 150 ($3.50). Since money goes so far here, it’s becomes completely wasteful to spend even $3.50 on transportation every day. In case you’re interested, here are some other things I bought, and their prices, to give you an idea of money here… Coke- Rs. 7/$.16, Sari- Rs. 500/$11.60, Having a sari top sewn at the tailors- Rs. 70/$1.63, Coconut off the street to drink- Rs. 10/$.23. All of these prices are the maximum, too. I haven’t really gotten into bargaining yet, although you can do it for every single thing purchased.

Well, it’s 5:30 now, so I think I have time to go back to sleep for a little bit. Adios amigos!
City Adventures: Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 16, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

It is Monday morning, 10am. I forgot to write last night, so let me just update now. The night before last, I couldn’t sleep very well (first night in a new place, lots of bugs, etc.) and I woke up around 5am, or as the sun was getting up. (I don’t really have a watch or clock here, so time is much less important). 🙂 Anyway, since the rest of the house was asleep still, I got dressed and brought my camera out to explore our campus a bit. I first went on our roof to take a look around, and saw tons of cool (tropical!) birds, lots of palm trees and jungle foliage, etc. In the first 10 minutes I saw enough interesting wildlife to excite me for days. (ADORABLE little flying-squirrel type things- palm squirrels, crazy looking woodpeckers, giant bright red bugs, huge ravens, tiny hummingbirds, geckos…)

It was early of course, but there were people out. The campus has guards walking around, and there were some workmen and other guys around too. It’s funny here… looking at men or smiling at them too much is taken as a sign of sexual interest, especially if you are American, so you learn to pretty much never look at men. I think I’ll come home with the habit of averting my eyes! Anyway, the men stare a lot anyway, or make noises at you, so it is best just to ignore them. Women, however, will interact, and especially after limiting your contact with men, it is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to exchange smiles and hellos.

So anyway, I walked around campus for a long time in the morning. It is very beautiful. The colors here are so vivid and unique. The soil is a bright clay red, and the trees are jungle green, with of course beautiful tropical flowers, and even the dead, dry stuff (it is almost monsoon season) is vividly bright gray. It’s funny, there is garbage everywhere, (there is just no where to put it, and there are so many people, that there is no way from keeping garbage out of even a clean and protected university), but even with the garbage, it is just as beautiful. It really seems to be that with India, you have to take ALL of it as part of the experience. This applies to other areas too. Walking down the streets of Pondicherry, you can see so many amazing marvels, but they are right next to all the signs of poverty and sadness. Really, India seems to have EVERYTHING. Many people who have been there, or lived there, told me before I came that I should forget any expectations, and not to compare anything to what I knew before. This seems totally true; one’s head would go mad if they were constantly judging the things that go on here, labeling them as “good” or “bad” parts of the experience. Just experiencing it all is enough…

So anyway, back to the day’s events! I came back from my walk and had some breakfast (we get served 3 Indian meals a day- very spicy!). After breakfast, we just hung around for awhile. I played with a stray puppy outside. (You aren’t supposed to- all the dogs are half-wild, and hang around people in the way that feral cats do.) This guy was sooooo cute though, and too little to really be sick. In the afternoon, we took the bus into the city to go to a large Sunday market. Can I just say, #&^#^$%**!&^$@!!!!!!!! The bus… I’ve never been so close to so many people in my life. You have to be very careful for pickpockets, and also have some semblance of preserving the have-as-little-contact-with-men-as-possible thing. Both are extremely difficult, considering the tight conditions. Picture the most crowded NYC subway you’ve ever been on. Now put 30 more people in it. Then add the stifling heat and smells of India. Put yourself right in the center of it. Now add on top of that, the stares you get since you’re a foreigner, and a woman. Make sure the driver is slamming on the breaks and the gas before and after each stop, so you get the maximum amount of jostling possible. Imagine trying to protect your purse or camera, and your dignity. There you have the buses of India. So it’s insane, but it also is a really exciting experience. (And who am I kidding, I love all of that chaotic uncomfortable stuff!)

So finally, we arrive in the city, and after departing the bus, being squeezed and squished in ways I never thought I could be squeezed and squished, we step out in to the busy streets. We explored the market for awhile. They sold mostly things that westerners would call junk. As one of my housemates put it, they sold “everything and nothing”. It is funny, westerners visiting India (like myself) only want to buy the local, handmade goods and crafts. Locals want to buy only the imported western stuff. Strange! We walked down to the “promenade”, the rocky beach where everyone hands out to look at the ocean, eat ice cream, etc. Then we went to a park in the center of the city. (More like a jungle habitat- the trees were awesome!!) There were so many people there, and every different kind too. Families bringing their kids to play, old men, teenagers… I got a fresh coconut to drink (mmmmm!) and we all sat down on a bench. We got asked by a few people if they could take their pictures with us, which we found hilarious. I have to say, it is really nice to have some boys on the trip with us. It’s much more comfortable to walk around the city with men then just alone or with other women. There was more awesome stuff in the city, but I can’t really remember it now. Oh yeah, and I saw a monkey sitting on a fence!!! AWESOME! Overall, it was an extremely enjoyable experience. Every place we visited, I found myself thinking, “I AM FREAKING IN INDIA! THIS IS AWESOME!”

Check out some photos from the day by scrolling through the album below!
Day 1, Over: Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 14, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

Well, I’ve completed my first day here in Pondicherry. (By the way, in the future it’s not very likely that I’ll be posting a few times a day, but there’s just so much new stuff to talk about for now!) So far in the house there are 6 students- three from America (including yours truly) and three from France. Two more Americans will be arriving in a few weeks. I think it will be very nice to be able to have some people to experience all this different stuff with. The dorm is very nice. It’s funny, when I first arrived I had some certain expectations I think, and was comparing it to American standards. Doing this was really silly, though and unfair, so I’m going to forget all that. Once initial shock started wearing off, I realized this is an extremely comfortable place to be living, and damn luxurious compared to the rest of the city. There are things to get used to, like tons of bugs, electricity issues, etc., but all of these things are even starting to feel normal and comfortable, and I’m sure that will be even moreso soon enough. Anyway, after napping for a LONG time this morning, we went into the city. Again, it was so unreal. I literally had to will my legs forward while we walked around. I was in such shock it just felt like some bizarre dream. I’m not sure if I can really explain exactly what it’s like, but the best thing I can say is, it’s like seeing a movie with some incredibly exotic and unfamiliar place, but then finding yourself actually in that movie. Honestly, picture sitting on your American couch, watching a movie like “Indiana Jones” or “The Ten Commandments”, eating popcorn and drinking Coke, and then picture that you were sucked into the screen and find yourself walking around those dusty, hot, crowded, streets. It really feels like another time, here. It’s like nothing I ever thought I would be experiencing, and the coolest part is, it’s going to be my home for awhile.
Destination!! Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 14, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

I am officially settled in Pondicherry. My flight from Bombay came into Chennai again at around 3. I searched for my luggage and said goodbye to my new friend. By the time everything was sorted out, I walked outside with all my luggage, officially alone and stepping out into a new city. (The airport experience now seems like nothing compared with this.) There were sooooooooo many people lined up waiting for people outside the airport. It took me a few minutes to find my driver, who held up a sign with my name. My first glimpses of India were ecstatically awesome… tropical climate, palm trees, guys sleeping all over the place, tons of activity. It was just so damn alive, in a completely different way than I know. We drove from 3:30-7:30 am to Pondicherry. I am still completely blown away by the drive down here. My initial thoughts involved things like, “Damn, there actually are cows all over, even in the city!” and “Why are there billions of people out even at 4am?” It is just completely…. different! Most of the houses I saw were tiny huts made with palms or locally available materials. It seems so dirty, chaotic, insane… but at the same time, really beautiful and incredibly interesting. Cows, chickens, goats, feral dogs, everywhere…. People, everywhere… The driving is really crazy. They honk every second and pass each other like mad, and drive into oncoming traffic and nearly hit cows, pedestrians, and bikers. (But then again, it seems to work…) I arrived at the hostel at 7:30 this morning. I got a bit settled and had a MUCH needed shower (3 days of travel in a tropical climate really does a number on you…) and then had some breakfast. Now, I’ll be napping for quite some time, and this afternoon we’ll go into Pondi city to get oriented a bit. Honestly, this is nothing at all like I expected. It is a million times better and a million times worse all at once, which I think is excellent. Adapting to live here is going to be a big challenge, but is something I think will be incredibly rewarding. I’M FREAKING LIVING IN INDIA, BABY!!!!!!!
Flying, Part 2: Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 14, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

So actually right now, I am in Pondicherry, but I will back up and talk about the arrival in Delhi and my stay in Bombay airport. So, we got into Delhi airport sometime at night on the 12th, and then flew straight to Bombay airport without departing the plane. The past few days have been such a blur that at this point, I don’t really remember what that flight was like. Anyhow, I arrived in Bombay, FINALLY, at about 3 in the morning on the 13. So I exited the plane, was hit by a blast of heat, (it was 85 degrees F at 3am!) and followed the rest of the crowds towards customs. Going through customs and more security was easy enough, or if it wasn’t, then I just don’t remember. After being “free to go”, however, I had no clue what to do. My next flight wasn’t until 22 hours later, so I had all that time to wait in the airport, with no clue what to do, seeing as it was my first time on Indian soil, or any non-North American soil, for that matter. The first hour or so was pretty terrifying, but liberating too. I was completely alone, without even knowledge of how to use the phones to call home, without having changed any money, and sticking out of the crowd like a sore thumb. At one point, I hopped on an elevator to get to the upper level of the airport, and some guy started trying to push my cart for me. I had no clue if he worked for the airport or was just trouble, though, so I firmly thanked him but scurried on my way. I somehow navigated changing some money, making calls, printing out a ticket for my next flight, and finding the waiting area to sit it. This airport was not at all comfortable, and especially not in my first few hours in a new country. However, the 20 hours I spent there became pretty damn enjoyable. Right now I can’t really imagine how I actually filled up all that time. Everything really took me awhile. Going to the bathroom (after 20 hours of flying) involved squeezing a huge luggage cart into a tiny door and maneuvering all of my belongings around to find my toothbrush, for example. Getting food involved sorting out my new Indian money, standing for awhile to pick something unknown from the limited selection of airport food, and then finding a nice spot to settle down and explore that new Indian cuisine. I also found a good spot near the wall to sit, and made myself a nice little fort with my luggage, and ended up sleeping most of the day away, which was surprisingly comfortable and pleasing. I also read a ton. My flight would depart at 12:45 am from Bombay to Chennai. At around hour 17 at the airport, and hour 37 of my whole trip, I made a very nice friend, and we ended up chatting for the rest of the evening, including on the plane. This was very helpful since most conversation revolved around a nice little insider’s guide to visiting India. All in all, the day was extremely interesting and bizarre. It felt like some weird dream, but it was very good to have that time in the airport to adjust a bit. I realized the world is so incredible weird and cool, that one day I could be living in NJ like normal, and then so suddenly find myself in a completely different universe (figuratively, that is). Get out in the world, people, see for yourself!
Flying, Part 1: Journey to Pondicherry, India

July 13, 2007

Note: this post is copied here from one of my early blogs, and recounts parts of my trip to study abroad in India in 2007!

Ok, so yesterday, I went to see Harry Potter with Marly and Liz. Then, as soon as the movie got out, I rushed around doing some errands, and went home to pack. My stomach started feeling reaaaaally creepy. The whole day was incredibly bizarre. One second I felt like jumping through the house yelling for joy, and the next minute I felt nervous, scared, and a little sad. (Just a little.) Anyway, I ended up finishing all my packing, and we left around 4 for the airport. Good thing, because I pretty much just made it in the right amount of time. Standing in the airport felt so strange. I was completely immersed in a crowd of Indians, (since we flew Air India), and that was the beginning of some culture shock I think. Waiting online to board the plane, I noticed that there was really no form of line at all, just pretty much a blob of people. But still, everyone was really friendly, and I was so excited. The first flight was weird. We left at 8pm, and arrived in London at 8am, though the flight took only about 6 hours, give or take. As soon as we got our dinner, and I begin to fall asleep, I felt like it got light out. Flying over London was cool… all the houses had red roofs. (?) When those wheels touched town I thought, “COOL, I’m touching land other than North America!” The London Heathrow Airport experience pretty much stunk though. First of all, it is honestly about 3 miles to get out of one terminal, and another three to get to another. (By the way, we didn’t change planes, so I think they just wanted to park it somewhere else or something). So I ended up only having time for a SHORT bathroom break, before I had to sprint into line. We had to reenter security even though we were all secure from Newark! Plus, the restrictions were different there so I had to reorganize some things. And, by the time I got done with security, I had to RUN to the next terminal to catch that same plane that I had just left. But all in all, who the heck cares, because I’m on my way to INDIA!!!!!!! By the way, right now I’m flying over Europe. I already feel like I’ve been traveling for days, but I still have 2 more flights after this one. Man am I going to be tired later. Oh, by the way, the food on the plane is pretty darn good! 🙂

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